The Doctor's Epically Epic Oneshots of Epicness
by Mosstail-Jaywing
Summary: Exactly what it says on the metaphorical tin. Needs prompts!  Current prompt: Tea or Tea?
1. The End of the Universe?

The Doctor's Epically Epic One-Shots of Epicness!

A/N: Hello, all! Welcome to The Doctor's Epically Epic One-Shots of Epicness! I'm your host, G.

Today's One-Shot is called…

The Very-Narrowly-Missed End of the Universe! Enjoy!

-D-W-D-W-D-W-D-W-D-W-D-W-D-W-D-W-D-W-D-W-D-W-D-W-D-W-D-W-

The Very-Narrowly-Missed End of the Universe

"Doctor? Where are you? DOCTOR!" Rose called. It had been a rough two minutes. The Cloister Bell started ringing, smoke was everywhere, and the Doctor was nowhere to be found. Rose had worked her way around the ship to the kitchen.

"Rose? Are you in here?"

"Doctor! What happened?"

"Well, wait… hold on…"

He quickly pulled the oven door open, sonic at the ready, and zapped the creature inside.

"What Happened, Doctor?"

"Rose, understand what I'm about to say, and do not panic."

"Just _tell me!"_ Rose shouted. The cloister bell had stopped, and there was no more smoke. "What was in there?"

The Doctor sighed.

"It… It was supposed to be my banana cake…"


	2. Waffles!

The Doctor's Epically Epic Oneshots of Epicness

**A/N: Welcome back to today's epicsode of…**

**The Doctor's Epically Epic Oneshots of Epicness! I'm your host, G.**

**Today's episode prompt is Waffles! Enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who. Or the Waffles song by Parry Gripp. **

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The Doctor Likes Waffles

Donna was walking down the halls of the TARDIS looking for the kitchen, when a plate of waffles sailed for her head, narrowly missing. She picked up the plate and marched off to the Console Room.

"Oi! Doctor? What the…?" Another plate of waffles then sailed by her head. "Oh, I'm gonna kill Spaceman!" She mumbled to herself. She headed off toward the console room again, more waffles heading for her. When she reached the console room, she saw the Doctor rewiring a panel, singing along to a video.

_Do you like waffles?_

_Yeah, I like waffles!_

_Do you like pancakes?_

_Yeah, I like pancakes!_

_Do you like French toast?_

_Yeah, I like French toast!_

_(Doo doo doodoo, can't wait to get a mouthful!)_

_Waffles! _

_Waffles!_

_Waffles!_

_(Doo doo doodoo, can't wait to get a mouthful!)_

Donna put the plates next to him and bristled.

"Spaceman, you better have a good explanation," She growled.

"Oh, I was just fixing the vector tracker…"

"No, you made waffles fly around the TARDIS!"

"…Oh, that. Well, heh, it's a funny story, really…"

Those were his last words before she attacked him.


	3. The Papercut

The Doctor's Epically Epic Oneshots of Epicness!

Episode 3 – Prompt: Papercut

**A/N: Hey y'all! Gak! *Dodges books, tomatoes, and TARDISes* I'm sorry, all right? I have been in the dreaded state of *shivers* **_**not wanting to write.**_** But that's alright, I'm here now, with an Epic Oneshot that might save my life. (Oh, and please keep all attempts on my life to the school week. No need to ruin a perfectly good weekend!)**

-D-W-D-W-D-W-D-W-D-W-D-W-D-W-D-W-D-W-

The Papercut

The Doctor and Rose were running from Slitheen. As usual, they made it to the TARDIS just in time. Also as usual, they dematerialized into the Time Vortex just in time.

"Well, that was fun!" The Doctor grinned. Rose rolled her eyes. "Can't we go somewhere where we _won't_ almost get killed?"

The Doctor fake huffed. "Well, if you say so, _Miss Tyler_…"

Rose smiled. "Really? Well, we don't _have to…_" An idea struck her. "Barcelona?" She gave him the puppy-dog eyes. He rolled his eyes. "Aw, come 'ere you!" He motioned for a hug. She hugged back, but then she squealed in pain.

"What's wrong, Rose?" He asked in alarm.

"Doctor… you gave me a papercut!"

**A/N: Oh, and if you haven't seen **_**The Sontaran Stratagem**_**, it miiiight not make sense… **


	4. I wanted Chips!

The Doctor's Epically Epic Oneshots of Epicness!

Episode 4 – Prompt: McDonald's French Fries

**A/N: Alright, how are you? Better be cheering, because you get another one-shot before a MToD chappie. I know I need to update, but I need to gather my bearings, and that is gonna be one **_**Dalek**_** of a chapter. Alright, let epic hilarity invade your mind! **

**-D-W-D-W-D-W-D-W-D-W-D-W-D-W-D-W-D-W-D-W-D-W-D-W-D-W-**

I Wanted Chips!

The Doctor and Martha landed on Earth, August 12, 2011, in Hickory, North Carolina. Right, smack dab in front of a McDonald's. That was mistake number one.

"Alright Martha, how's about some chips? McDonald's has the best chips ever. Fatty, greasy, salty, Rose _loved_ them!" The Doctor went on. "We can get the Super Chips, really good. And…" He droned on and on. Finally Martha nudged him back to reality. The person at the counter was asking what they wanted. "Welcome to McDonald's, may I take your order?" He asked in a monotone voice. "Yes, I'd like a large container of chips, and one large drink." He responded.

That was mistake number two.

"Sorry, sir?" The guy (Let's call him Bob.) asked the Doctor. "Sir, we don't sell potato chips here."

The Doctor looked at Bob strangely. "Yes, I'm sure you do. I've gotten them before."

"Sir, we _do not _sell potato chips!" Bob was getting agitated.

"Yes, you do! I've gotten them, they're on the menu!" The Doctor was agitated as well.

"Sir, if you do not back down, I will get the manager!" Bob was mad. _I don't get paid enough for this!_

"You do that! I would like to see him!" The Doctor yelled.

That was mistake number three.

Martha looked extremely embarrassed.

"Doctor, why don't we just go someplace else?" She squeaked.

"Martha, I don't back down. I want my chips!" He protested.

The Manager, (We'll call him Joe.) walked up to the Doctor. "Do you have a problem, sir? Bob told me you kept demanding potato chips. I'm sorry, but we don't sell those."

"As I told Bob," the Doctor said through gritted teeth. "I've _gotten_ chips here before. I've said that _five times!" _He shouted.

"Uh, Doctor…?" Martha tapped him on the shoulder.

"Not now, Martha!"

"But Doctor… I think they're called 'French Fries' instead of chips." Martha admitted, turning red.

"…oh… uh… um… Alright, I'll have some French fries, then…" He handed them a five.

And that's why they only stop in London for chips.

**A/N v.2: Oh, and I forgot to mention, the one-shots are short, but long enough that they're not drabbles.**

**Next prompt: Disco Dancing!**


	5. Disco Doctor

The Doctor's Epically Epic OneShots of Epicness

Prompt: Disco Dancing

**A/N: Don't shoot! (Disables laser guns with Sonic Flash Drive)**

**Hah! Didn't see that coming, did you readers? I know I'm late,**

_***Of course you're late, Leigh! You been on the TARDIS, for Rassilon's sake!***_

***Shut up, Doctor!* **

**Ahem… anyway…. But, I have a oneshot for you! AND is it EPIC! Please welcome…**

**Disco Dancing!**

DiScO DoCtOr

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"Hah! I won!" Donna yelled. What did she win, you ask? Let's start at the beginning…

*Flashback*

"Doctor, I'm gonna _bloody _kill you!" Donna roared. She was standing on a stage in a feathery bikini, fancy hat included, whilst the Doctor just stood there snickering. They were on the planet Alcomxio, and to free themselves, the Alconials told her to dance in _that. _The Doctor had stopped snickering, because he was seriously scared.

(Refer to previous Donna shots)

*End*

So, they played a game of poker. Bets: Doctor wins, Donna doesn't kill him, Donna wins, she can do anything to him.

Donna won. Caught up? Good.

"Now Spaceman, it's time for your _punishment…"_ Donna grinned devilishly. The Doctor whimpered.

So here was the Doctor, in full clad Elvis, disco dancing in the 60's. And Donna had video.

**A/N: Is it okay? I hope so. I kinda broke the 4****th**** wall…**

**(Pssst! Jesswhovian, you can review now!)**


	6. Can't Shut Up

The Doctor's Epically Epic Oneshots of Epicness

Prompt: Can't Shut Up

**A/N: An Update! Yay! I'm introducing my characters (aka me and my friend), Leigh Caldwell and Anthony Travis, in the oneshot Can't Shut Up! Enjoy!**

Can't Shut Up

"…So now you take a left turn at the Ceti Galaxy, and you head down at Theta Alpha Meteial cluster…" He droned on. The Doctor was giving directions to an Olexas ship while Anthony and I were stuck in the TARDIS. _Again._

"Doctor…" I whined. It usually worked. Well, always worked.

"Not now, Leigh! Then take a left u-bend around the Atraxi Cluster…" The Doctor _ignored _me.

"Leigh, give it up! He just isn't listening." Anthony complained.

I gave him the death stare. "I'm_ not _giving up_."_ I growled. He stood his ground. "He's been at it for _7 hours_. I don't even think he knows that the planet Flangisiax is right behind us!" Anthony complained.

"…And that's how you get to Flangisiax. Alright, have a good trip!" The Doctor waved out the door.

"Doctor?"

"Yeah, Leigh?"

"Can't you shut up?"

"Uh… no…"

"Why not?"

"Gallifreyian thing. Uh… stole the TARDIS… they found out… it's a punishment, kinda…"

Anthony and I looked at each other, then _busted._

"You… You stole the TARDIS, now you can't shut up?" Anthony wheezed.

"He can't shut up!" I laughed.

Even the TARDIS giggled.


	7. Screwed

The Doctor's Epically Epic Oneshots of Epicness

Prompt 7: Screwed

**A/N: I'm so, so sorry! I never get the chance to update, but I am **_**always**_** brainstorming. (Also, I am going to start a story that is currently unnamed that is about Leigh Caldwell. Send in your titles!) Hello, Matt! It's Eleven's time in the epic! Geronimo!**

**Screwed**

"Doctor, what's that?" I pointed to a rainbow flashing light. The Doctor froze. "There's a wormhole on board!" His spiked hair stood on end.

"Leigh… whatever you do, don't step backward!" What did I do? Being shocked by his yell, I stumbled backward into the wormhole, and hit my head. And I opened my eyes to see Eleven. "Aw, crap…" I mumbled. "Leigh! Wake Up! Leigh!" He yelled. I could faintly saw Ten trying to get through the wormhole.

"Leigh! Help! I can't get through!" Ten yelled. Then, cue Amy in her nightie.

Great, he just regenerated. I stood up quickly, to help sort this out, but the blood rushed to my head, and I couldn't see straight to pilot the TARDIS. Stumbling around, I managed to put us into the Time Stream, but fell on the floor.

The TARDIS stopped jerking around, so I attempted to stand up again. Finally, after regaining my balance, I checked over at Eleven and the wormhole. Ten had made it through, and was helping Eleven with Amy. "Stop it!" I shouted. All three of them froze.

"Be careful, Doctor, we don't need another paradox - Heh, pair of Doc's, that's funny-" I stopped. Ten and Eleven were both staring at me. Amy walked over. "So, are you American?" She asked, curious. I laughed. "Yes, I am. Which is saying something, because the only American that I know that he traveled with was, let's just say, _open_ to odd ideas. And he's immortal, so yeah…" I shrugged.

"And how do you know how to fly the TARDIS?" She looked suspicious. I took a few steps backward and bumped into Ten, who stumbled and brushed Eleven. The TARDIS started shuttering again. "Aw crap…" I muttered. _"We are screwed." _The Doctors and I said simultaneously. Amy just rolled her eyes.

**Reviews = Happy + More Doctors**


	8. Tea or Tea?

The Doctor's Epically Epic OneShots of Epicness

Chapter 8 – Tea or Tea?

A/N – So, I was thinking, what if the Doctor offered me tea, and I assumed it was sweet tea? Being southern, I figured, _good prompt_, because I can write me (aka Leigh Caldwell).

Also, this is the first true drabble. Yay! And, look for the number above the chapter title. That's which Doctor I'm with. All settled? Good!

(P.S. No offense to any British readers. It's just how I would react…)

11

Tea or Tea?

I was laying on the jump seat in the console room. We had gotten back from fighting Slitheen in 1840's Earth. And I smelled like _Vinegar_.

Don't get me wrong, I love anything pickled. (Except beets. Pickled beets are nasty.) So when we threw the pickles and pickled eggs, it was all I could do not to eat them.

"Doctor!" I called. He was in the kitchen getting some tea, and being incredibly slow about it.

I mean, it's not _that_ hard. Come on, just pour the tea out of a pitcher from the fridge into a glass, and there's your tea! Is it that hard?

"Leigh! Can you give me a hand? I need you in the kitchen!" The Doctor called. What is he doing?

Grudgingly, I trudged to the kitchen. When I got there, he sat down a tray of cookies, one kind full of jelly, some tea cups with saucers, and… and…

A TEAPOT?

"Doctor, what… what is this?" I almost, _almost_ shrieked. His face portrayed confusion. "I thought you were getting _sweet tea_, not some British stereotype!" I said, my southern accent really laying it thick!

"What do you mean?" The Doctor asked, bewildered. "If you want _sweet_ tea, pour some extra milk and sug-" But I cut him off.

"Milk? In TEA? Who does that? That's like puttin' gas on a banana! We ain't in England (Although why you Time Lords have an English accent I will _never_ know) so why the obsession with tea?" I gasped for breath. I rant too much.

The Doctor stood there, his jaw wide open.

"W-what?" He sputtered.

I pushed his mouth shut. "Close your mouth honey, you're gonna catch flies," I smirked, then grabbed his arm and pulled him to the stove.

"What are you doing?" He asked, as I pulled out a small, shallow, rusted saucepan, a box of Luzianne tea bags, and a gallon container of cane sugar. "And just _what_ _happened_ to the kitchen?" He exclaimed. It had formed into the kitchen that I had at home. Good ol' TARDIS. Green walls, an island in the middle, _plenty_ of cabinets, and two ovens. Just like home.

"Now, Doc," I started. He made a face at that nickname. "Here's the real way to make some good, ice cold sweet tea." I walked over to the sink and put water into the saucepan.

"Leigh, who drinks tea _cold_? That's not good at all!" He complained. I shot him a disagree-with-me-and-I-kill-you look. He shut up quite quick.

"Now, you put the pan onto the left corner burner and wait for the water to heat up, and while that's going on, you tie two tea bags together," I demonstrated. "And rip off the tags. Then you put the tea bags into the water and keep waiting."

I told him. He seemed quite fascinated by how I knew to do this, but at the same time disgusted at the idea.

"Now, we come over here," I pulled out a large, blue, gallon Tupperware jug and the sugar. "And put one cup of sugar into the jug."

"One cup?"

"I'm sorry, but I go by Imperial. No Metric. You're smart enough, do the conversion."

"Fine."

"But isn't that going to be really sweet?"

"Doctor, you'll see, quit asking questions!"

The tea on the stove was boiling, so I turned it off, then walked back to the sink, and set the jug into the sink. Then I walked over to the stove, grabbed a long plastic spoon from the drawer, grabbed the saucepan and went back to the sink.

"Why do you need such a large container for _that_ much tea?" The Doctor questioned.

Then, I poured the contents of the saucepan (except for the tea bags) into the jug, threw out the tea bags, turned on cold water, and started stirring. The Doctor had a look of shock on his face. I grinned at the sight.

"Here, you stir. I need to do something right quick." He fumbled around with the spoon, until he got the hang of it and stirred. I quickly pulled out my phone and took a picture. He can't get out of this one!

I went over and turned off the tap, then snapped the lid onto the jug.

"Now, I'm putting this into the fridge, but before you taste it, we need to get something first." I told him. "Go to the console room! I'll meet you there!" I called, running into the hall. I silently asked the TARDIS to take us to the KFC in my hometown. Then I went to my room, grabbed my wallet, and went to the console room, where the Doctor was waiting.

"Come on!" I grabbed his hand and dragged him out the door.

"What- What is KFC?" He asked

I rolled my eyes. "Kentucky Fried Chicken, idiot. We need to pick up some _real_ food." We walked inside and waited in line. "And remember," I told the Doctor, "_I_ am gonna do the talking."

So, after some small talk and ordering, we got our food and walked back to the TARDIS.

"Doctor, this is the south. We all know each other! She happened to go to my church." I defended myself.

He rolled his eyes. "Come on; let's just get this over with," He grumbled half-heartedly. He liked seeing me enjoy myself, and he knew I knew it.

Once we got to the kitchen, I pulled out the contents of the bag and set them onto the bar (the eating space on the island) where plates and cups with ice were already set out. I went to the fridge, grabbed the jug of sweet tea, and poured some tea into the glasses. I made my way around to the stools, then jumped up onto one. The Doctor was cautious, but sat down anyway. After biting into a warm biscuit (the real kind, not cookies), I took a bite of chicken and a swig of sweet tea. Then I set down my glass and looked over at the Doctor. He looked back at me, then cautiously took a sip. His eyes lit up.

"Hey, you know, this is pretty good! Can I have-" Then he saw me videotaping it on my phone. Next thing I knew, I was trying to upload it to YouTube while running from an angry Doctor, my sides in pain from laughing so hard.

Yup, it's a good day.


End file.
